Author Archives: Donna

When Technology Turns Toxic

Just weeks ago, my beloved sister, Debbie, passed into eternity after a 16 month journey with cancer. During her illness and in its aftermath, Debbie and/or her family were able to disperse information about her condition to (and receive encouragement from) hundreds of people using, social media. With the clack of a few keys and the click of a button– whoosh…the information was released to more people than we could have communicated, with face to face, in a week.

I love what technology can give me. What I don’t love is what it can take away. Reading that my friend had cheesecake for breakfast and despises her boss is a poor substitute for looking into her eyes and hearing her heart. Online, I can click that I “like” her breakfast menu choice and LOL at her tirade about her boss. But face to face, I might discern what her unhealthy diet and emotions are really saying about her well-being.

Social Media provides the perfect camouflage for hiding in plain site. We reveal to our “friends”, however many hundreds we have, exactly what we want them to know. Usually, it is far too much and not nearly enough. Many posts are dripping with drivel but completely void of authentic disclosure of who and how the writer really is.

It may feel good in the moment to present a false face to the world–to believe we are being perceived as successful and happy. But what we really want at the end of the day, is someone who knows us intimately, truthfully, and accepts us completely.
Technology is useful and Facebook is fun, but social media should never be allowed to crowd out face to face friendships. There is no substitute for real relationships with real people in real time.

A Traveller’s Guide to Heaven

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I have never been to Europe and have always longed to go. When my little sister was still in her teens she had the opportunity. When I saw her pictures I was so jealous that she had actually seen the Parthenon and Chartres Cathedral and many of the other edifices and artworks I had marveled over while studying to become an interior designer. When I asked about the subjects of her photos she admitted that she had no idea what most of them were or what they represented. She just figured that they must be a big deal since everyone was taking pictures of them. (She has since returned to Europe with a much greater sophistication and appreciation for its art treasures.)

A few years ago I was planning a speaking trip to South Africa. I guess I knew as much as the average person about the end of apartheid and the leadership of Nelson Mandela. But I also knew the trip would be much more interesting and meaningful if I learned a lot more. One of the sources of my research was Mandela’s autobiography Long Walk to Freedom. It not only was a long walk, but also a long book. I guess it takes quite a few pages to tell a story decades in the making. And when you spend 27 years in prison, there’s time to recall and document a lot of detail. It was a very inspiring read. As I anticipated, it made the trip fascinating. I recognized the names of streets and places as the names of Mandela’s partners in the struggle for equality. I understood the significance of locations and why people of colour were welcome in some churches and not others. Learning about the country made it more excited to go there.

These days I am learning more about heaven. After all, I have a one way ticket to that place. And two treasured members of my family will be traveling there sooner rather than later, I think. Here are some lovely words I came across recently.

Heaven… is that place-

Where everything lasts forever,

Where love fills every heart,

Where praise never stops,

Where pain never enters,

Where joys never cease.

These are not words based on wishful thinking or vague hopes. They are words based on terra firma from the Bible. They are words of hope and joy I reflect on as I grieve the impending temporary separation from those I love so dearly. And I am reminded that because of this heaven, this place Jesus died inviting me to, my grief is tinged with hope:

And now, brothers and sisters, I want you to know what will happen to the Christians who have died so you will not be full of sorrow like people who have no hope.

~I Thes. 4:13 NLT

Grateful

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10 Things I Love About Fall:

Boots!
Crunchy leaves
Brilliant colours
Harvest moons
Flannelette sheets
My down duvet
New TV episodes
No mosquitoes
Fires in the fireplace
My husband lives at home…a bit more

I’m really a summer person. My favourite places are beaches and patios. I have to really talk to myself to avoid feeling depressed when the days get shorter and colder and the green grass disappears under a white blanket. But this year I really have no right to complain. We had an extra full month of beautiful summer weather and I soaked up every drop of it. When you get more than you’re entitled to, you really can’t complain when it’s gone.

As my family and I walk this sorrowful road of cancer we’re on I am reminded that I have no right to complain. Don’t get me wrong – the journey we walk is terribly painful. Every time we get bad news about my sister or my dad’s cancer progression I grieve deeply. It feels like getting my arm amputated one inch at a time. But I am aware that when you have a lot to lose, it’s only because you had a lot in the first place. Of all people, our family has been blessed. We enjoy close and loving relationships; we have traveled widely and experienced more joy than anyone has a right to. We can’t ask “why me?” Why not us? Who is richer than we are? Our God walks and weeps with us. He is helping us shoulder this load of sadness. And He reminds us that this life is just the prelude. No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared…1 Corinthians 2:9. I am grateful. I am blessed.

Nearly Spectacular

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Last week I met a remarkable man. Because of a diving accident in his youth, he had been a quadriplegic for most of his life. But Walt doesn’t consider this a reason to see life through dirty lenses. Each day when I saw Walt and I asked, “How are you?” he responded, “Absolutely Spectacular!” Thursday he must have been having a bad day. When I greeted him he downgraded his response to “Nearly spectacular.”

Walt reminds me of a lawyer I met who directs a child development project for Compassion in El Salvador. This man only practices law two day’s per week so that he can give the alpha dog’s share of his time to the children. His challenges are as persistent as mosquitoes. Yet when this man of faith is asked how he is faring, his response is consistently, “Always in victory!”

These days I find myself struggling to keep my breathing apparatus above the waves in very rough waters. I don’t feel very victorious or spectacular. As I’ve weighed my response to the inevitable “How are you” question, in light of these remarkable men I’ve met, I’ve wondered how to respond authentically while keeping my outlook positive. How can I honour both my feelings and my faith?

In reality, I’m not always noticeably in victory. I’m not absolutely spectacular. But I am always, ALWAYS, blessed! I am surrounded by supportive family and friends. I live in a great country and enjoy a lofty standard of living compared to most of the world. I am involved in work that is making a difference. And even if all of this were not true or were suddenly removed from me, the bedrock of my blessing remains. I have been adopted into God’s family. My Papa-God walks beside me and will never abandon me. He constantly supplies me with the strength for whatever lies in the path ahead. I am blessed every moment of every day. If I’m grieving, frustrated, or nearly spectacular – I am always in victory – whether I feel like it or not. I am blessed.

Just Ask!

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Just Ask!

Today I had the remarkable experience of receiving what I hoped for in two situations where that outcome was unlikely. I was prepared to politely accept refusal, but I still had to ask.

I had purchased the econo-size of a food product which I didn’t realize was not what I wanted until I opened it. Great, I thought. Now I am stuck with an enormous quantity of something I don’t like! With a fine thread of hope, I returned to the store where I had purchased it, explaining that I had made the mistake because it was not on the shelf where it was supposed to be. Amazingly, the manager made the exchange without even asking to see the receipt I offered!

I went from the store to garden centre where I had been short-changed by $20. Now that is something that is hard to prove. I approached the counter saying, “I hope that you think I have an honest face…” Wonder of all wonders, my money was returned to me after a quick browse through the computer revealed they had not balanced the day before. Sometimes you just have to ask for what you want.

Last evening a good friend shared that her daughter informed her that there is no point in her attending church anymore since she no longer believes in God. She told her mom that she has come to this conclusion because God never answers her prayers. That amazed me, because I know this young woman has a great life, overflowing with successes and blessings. I wondered what she’s been asking God for that he hasn’t given her.

Jesus’ half-brother James said this:

… you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure. (James 4:2,3)

Sometimes we just have to ask! And sometimes we have to ask ourselves, Why do I really want this?

Our God wants the best for us. We can go to him to ask for anything. But like a loving parent, he will say no sometimes. Always for our benefit. So go ahead and ask – but then trust him with the outcome.

Who’s in Your Herd?

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There are some places on this planet that should be safe. A mother’s womb should be a safe place. A child’s bed should be a safe place. Families should be safe and so should churches. Unfortunately many are not. So many of the tragic stories I hear at women’s retreats are tales of violation of one or more of these sanctuaries. The natural response of the human heart to repeated betrayals of trust is to withdraw from relationship, the scene of so many crimes of the heart. There is something tragic about a group women, many of whom are in a self-imposed exile, converging to try to grow in their relationship with God from their place of isolation.

I once spoke to the combined women’s groups of two Churches. Everyone looked pretty “put together” but my experience has taught me that appearances can be deceiving. Saturday night I spoke on God’s desire for us to be plugged into relationship with Him AND His body. That in fact, we can’t be all He wants us to be unless we are. We also become targets for our enemy, who, like a predator in the wild, targets those who drift from the herd. I concluded my talk by showing a video, filmed on a South African Safari. It shows a baby Water Buffalo wandering from the herd and being attacked by a pride of lions who are later joined by a crocodile. The tug of war is on, but the pride of lions win the prize. Then amazingly, the herd of water buffalo returns. They surround and fight off the lions. Almost unbelievably, the calf survives and is saved and enveloped by the security of the herd. After showing the video, I gave the women some time to choose someone to share their secret struggles with. I was so encouraged to see many groups of two or three women taking walks together, talking and praying together; becoming that safe place for one another that we all need to reach our God-given potential. Seeing so many women choose community over isolation, taking the risk of trusting again so that they can grow to be like Christ in community with one another was mountaintop moment for me.

By the way, who has your back? Who’s in your herd?

Lesson in the Loop

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Ever wish you could hit rewind on some day, hour, or minute of your life? It happened to me just yesterday.

I flew to Phoenix at the invitation of a writer-friend to spend a week with her writing in the sun instead of the snow. We flew separately and had agreed to meet in the rental car terminal just a few minutes away from the airport by shuttle. I arrived in terminal two, collected my checked bag in record time and jumped on the shuttle, which seemed to be just waiting for me. Well that was smooth, I thought, as I settled myself and my carry-on-bag on the little bus. Then the light bulb went on and I realized my mistake. How could I be so dense?

I had pulled my other bag off the carousel, texted my friend to let her know I had arrived, and then walked away pulling my carry on piece and leaving the other bag behind. While I was on a one way trip to the rental car terminal, my suitcase was standing pathetically by itself beside a luggage carousel in terminal 2 like an abandoned puppy on the side of road.

My brain was immediately attacked by several different self-destructive cognitive monsters. They were Panic, Shame, Self-deprecation and Fear to name a few. As the shuttle resolutely bore me away from my bag, I did my best to ignore the monsters and took the only action I could. I prayed that God would place a couple of burly angels around that suitcase and keep it safe for me until I could get back to claim it.

How desperately I wanted to hit rewind at that moment. To quickly retrace my steps, erase my mistake with all its potential consequences, and start over. But I knew as well as you do that there is no rewind in life.

But there is redemption. Arriving on the heals of the monsters came a call to my cell phone. Turns out my angels were named Jason, from airport security and John from the airport detachment of the Phoenix Police Department. Jason was standing beside my suitcase until John arrived to take it to the lost and found near terminal two.

I jumped off the shuttle at the rental car terminal and breathlessly asked directions to the bus that would take me back to the scene of my blonde moment. In minutes I was continuing the loop that would reunite me with my dear suitcase. Here is the lesson in the loop: we can’t rewind to undo our mistakes. There is no going back. But we can move forward. How? First, by refusing to be paralyzed by shame, self pity and fear. Only then can we take forward redemptive steps to right the wrongs, repair the damage, or at least bring meaning to them. Secondly, we need to look for the lessons God has for us in the mess. Third, we have to obey him when he asks us to swallow our pride and ask for forgiveness, make restitution, or take responsibility for the harm our mistakes have caused. Then we can live the rest of our lives with the wisdom, sensitivity, and humility of one who has made mistakes, but fought the monsters, and won.