Friendship and affinity

How do you know when you share an affinity with someone?

Finding a depth of commonality with another person usually requires some investigation.  Discovering shared passions can be an uncomplicated as learning to ask open-ended questions.

Finding affinity with someone is what makes diving into the friendship a pleasure rather than a duty.

If you are blessed enough to experience the “click” early on, be sure to act on it right away.  Schedule time together and see if the connection grows as you get to know one another better.


If there is no immediate “click”, but you feel the potential for affinity is there, take the risk of exploring the possibility and be attentive for a confirmation echo from the other side.  When your newfound affinity confirms the friendship is worth the investment of your time, that is an invitation to employ the quality of availability.

“I’m here for you.” This phrase is often heard but seldom translated into action.  What a rare and precious gift is the presence of a friend who is always there, steadfastly standing by through the ups and downs of life: times of elation, grief, rage and confusion.

Romans 12:15 captures the essence of an available friend:

“When others are happy, be happy with them.  If they are sad, share their sorrow.”

It is a terrible disappointment to be let down by a friend who promised to be there but wasn’t.  And it is an unexpected comfort to enjoy the presence of one who never said the words but showed up, just the same.


Excerpt from Friend Me: Turning Faces into Lasting Friendships.

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